


Saving Oneself

by Elsie876



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Extremely Dubious Consent, Fuck Or Die, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 17:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19856410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsie876/pseuds/Elsie876
Summary: When the Boys from the Dwarf crash on a Gelf moon, they have only one way to leave.





	Saving Oneself

It was all Lister’s fault. It was his idea to take Starbug to search for supplies on an unknown moon. Then that imbecile Cat had crashed it and now they were stuck here facing a bunch of Gelfs adorned with flower crowns and holding bazookoids.

Rimmer, the Cat and Lister and Kryten all held their hands above their heads. The head Gelf (the one with the biggest flower crown) approached them.

“Let me do the talking, sirs,” said Kryten. “ I believe that these are the E’ko’koko’hippa’cack tribe. We can negotiate with them.”

“Whatever, bogbot, just get us the smeg out of here.”

Lister sighed. “Just do what you can, Kryten.”

“Whatever you do, don’t promise them my suit jacket. Do you know how long it took to stitch each individual sequin?”

Kryten turned to the leader and conversed in their dialect after accepting a flower crown. Just when Rimmer’s arms were starting to ache, Kryten turned back to the others and told them they could lower their hands.

However, the Gelfs still kept their guns trained on them.

“What do they want?” Rimmer snarled. 

“You’re not going to like it, sir.”

“Get on with it. What do they want?”

Kryten winced. “They need you three to, ah, restore the balance of the moon. Apparently the crash has disrupted it.”

A landslide rumbled in the distance.

“And how do we do that?” asked Lister.

The Gelf leader pointed to an open field and grunted three words in English. 

“Share your seed.”

Lister’s face fell and Rimmer couldn’t understand why. If all they wanted them to do was masturbate on a field that would be easy. All three of them were champions at it though Rimmer was certain he was the best. 

“All right, lets get on with it.”

Kryten gaped at him. “I’m not certain you understand, sir. They’re not asking you to spread your seed. They’re asking you, Mr. Lister and the Cat to share it with each other.”

Rimmer just about fainted when the truth sunk in. Cat wasn’t doing much better.

“You want me to lose my male virginity to a pair of monkeys with half a sock of dress sense between them? I’d rather die.”

“That would be our only other option. They’ll restore planetary harmony one way or another.”

“I can’t,” replied Rimmer.

Lister glared at him. “And why not?”

“I’m a hologram. I’m not organic.”

The Chief Gelf laughed and said something to Kryten.

“Sir, he says that that Mother Gaia can still feel your desires as a sexual being and therefore, you must participate in the ritual.”

While Rimmer and the Cat continued to protest, Lister took off his jacket and threw it on the ground.

“Let’s go.”

Rimmer gaped. “You cannot be serious?”

“Monkey, you haven’t washed for a week. No way am I losing my male virginity to you!”

Lister looked at them in disbelief. “Would you smegheads rather die?”

“Of course, there is a third option,” said Kryten.

“Why didn’t you say so before?” asked Cat. “Do they want my shoes?”

“No, sir. The third option is enslavement for life.”

Rimmer shuddered. If he ended up enslaved on this moon, his lightbee battery could charge forever from sunlight, leaving him trapped here forever, too. At least Lister and Cat could have the mercy of dying. He took a deep breath and changed his lightbee settings to ‘nude’, completely exposing his body for everyone to see. The others gaped

“Let’s get on with it, shall we?”

Which was how Rimmer found himself lying on the grass between Lister and Cat while the Gelfs cheered them on. Lister and Cat’s clothes were in a heap except for the suit jacket that Cat had insisted that Kryten hold. The more they embraced each other, the giddier they got until Rimmer found himself with Cat’s cock in his mouth and Lister’s cock up his arse. It shouldn’t feel good. None of this should feel good. Nevertheless, it did. As they came, so did he.

**Author's Note:**

> Expanded from this 100 words prompt: https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/375521.html?thread=2198021857#cmt2198021857


End file.
